On doing the Inner work - Spend Some Time Working on Yourself
You should be able to be comfortable hanging out with yourself because at the end, the only person you have forever is YOU. I would consider this a prerequisite before getting yourself into any intimate relationship.
I do agree that humans are social creatures. We need others to thrive and this is why the lockdowns were so hard on so many of us. We should also be able to be comfortable alone though. It’s easier to hang out with people. It’s harder to be alone in your own company without feeling all the negative emotions. If the latter is you, this is probably highlighting that need to work on yourself and do the inner work. Maybe you know this but are avoiding doing the hard work because it can get messy emotionally.
Trust me when I say when you start working on yourself, it will be emotionally messy. The anxious thoughts and/or the depressing feelings will be there. Find something healthy to help you stop the thoughts – it can be cooking, baking, going to the gym, reading personal development books, reading inspirational quotes, etc. Through the process, you will start to learn about you – what you like, what makes you feel good, what feels toxic in your life you want to let go of, and what kinds of people you need to surround yourself with in your life.
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
The process of working on creating myself started in the Fall of 2012 after a certain event in my life. There were days I felt anxious, sad, or even cried. I found calm, motivation, and happiness in astrology and horoscopes along with inspirational quotes. Then I discovered the art of journaling and writing down your emotions and feelings as a form of expression (As an aside, this is what developed my interest in writing and blogging). Then the universe presented me an opportunity to see a counsellor to help me deal with the feelings and emotions that I couldn’t interpret myself. Little did I know that this entire time the universe was setting me up to move to another city where I could have the independence I craved, be myself, be able to sit alone with my thoughts without feeling pressured to be with others and I could do my own things. This was exactly what I needed to help me do the inner work without distractions. I thought it would be a few months or a year, but in my case, it was multiple years because there were a lot of layers to the onion that I had to peel back to discover my core self. The self that I probably lost through childhood.
Don’t feel stressed or worse if it feels like it is taking a long time. You may feel like taking shortcuts but let the process guide you – it is unique to you. Trust the universe. Trust the process. Enjoy the journey.
Tips on Making the Process easier:
If you struggle with working on yourself, maybe you need to find a place where you can be alone without distractions (it doesn’t have to be a new city but maybe that is what you need).
If you are having a hard time, seek a coach or counsellor to help guide you. These days almost everyone has one and it is no longer considered taboo to be telling someone you are seeing a counsellor.
Have tools where you can express your feelings that come up as you work on yourself is important such as a journal, a hobby, painting, going to the gym, or any other form of physical activity.
Sometimes having a close friend that you feel comfortable talking to, crying to, being vulnerable to, and being around for comfort can be a bonus – someone who you can be yourself around.
Through the process, figure out your love language and the order in how they rank because that will help you with knowing yourself better and also enhance all the close relationships in your life. If you are unfamiliar with them, the five love languages are:
Quality time
Physical touch
Acts of service
Words of affirmation
Gifts
Final Thoughts from Summer 2022:
As I wrap up this summer, while I said working on yourself can take a few years, it is actually a never ending process, we are always learning new things about ourselves. There is a turning point though where you will identify THAT MOMENT you have done most of the greatest inner work because you will feel more aligned with what you are attracting in your life. You will also feel more confident to make some bold moves. To get to this TURNING POINT is what can take a month, a year or a few years. For me, this turning point has been this year and specifically this summer which has been one of my best summers in a long time. I feel more confident and aligned with myself and my values and know what I want in life, in my career, and in dating. It makes sense now why I had no interest in certain areas of my life because my focus has always been myself and my figuring out my career.
